Are you smarter than a 4th grader?

I knew this would happen some day. One of my kids would ask for assistance with their homework and I would have no idea how to help them. I just figured I still had plenty of time. That very scenario played out last night in Taylor's room. She needed help with her dreaded math homework. "Aww, crap" I thought silently to myself. I was hoping we could avoid this while Brent was away on business since I typically direct any and all questions dealing with math to him.
"Are you SURE you don't know how to do it? I mean, did you read the directions and everything?" I asked
"I did, and I don't get it. Can you help me?"
Now typically as a parent you always want to remain that positive and influential role model in your child's life. You want them to look up to you. You want them to think you know it all and you have your shit together. You are the ultimate "rock star" at parenthood in general. With all that being said, I knew that I was about to fall a few rungs in my daughter's eyes.
You see, I had a feeling I was screwed when I saw the instructions and it said something about partial products and regular algorithms. What I actually thought to myself was "What the hell is this horse shit? Did they come up with a whole new system for teaching math because I certainly wasn't taught this in school.. To me partial means having only half of my hair highlighted. How does that have anything to do with this math problem? And algorithms? Psshh, puleeze..." Now what I actually said was...
"Uh Taylor, I don't recall learning this stuff.... EVER. I think we should give your Dad a call."
That's when she glanced up at me with a look pity, confusion, horror, and general disdain at my lack of mathematical knowledge. Then without skipping a beat she sighed and grabbed the phone to dial Brent's cell number. Several minutes of conversing ensued.. With great joy I report to you that it turns out Taylor has not one but TWO retarded parents because Brent was unable to assist her with her problem as well.
"HA!" I thought. Now I'm not the only stupid one. Talk about some vindication there people. I'm pretty sure Mr. Mensa should have been able to figure it out, but alas he couldn't assist her without being able to "LOOK" at the problem in person. Uh hu... My ass. Luckily Taylor was able to call one of her fellow 4 grade buds and got her math issue squared away relatively quickly after that. Then she ended our math convo with this little golden nugget..
"See, I told you that math is stupid and that you don't really need to know it. You and Daddy don't even know how to do partial products and algorithms which is ONLY 4th grade math! This is a giant waste of my time!"
Can't argue with that. The kid has got a point!
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