A Search for a Loving God Part Vlll

I rarely watched the news in the 60's. Seemed it was mostly about Vietnam, & very depressing. When I was a kid in elementary it was always a news topic & when I graduated high school & had to register for my draft card it was still raging on. I had grown from a child that felt uneasy & a bit scared of Nam, to a man that tried to join the marines in 1969. Joining carried a stigma to it in those days & many were burning their draft cards & running to Canada. Back to my story.
Whenever Billy Graham was on TV everyone was gather to the family room to watch. We didn’t have a choice when Billy Graham was televised. The TV was black & white, but we didn’t know of color.
We watched shows some of you have never heard of much less watched. Shows like The Andy Grffith Show, Mister Ed, The Dick Van Dyke Show, The Beverly Hill Billies, The Lucy Show, Bewitched, Gomer Pyle U.S.M.C., Bonanza, & sometimes The Futurtive.
When we could get by the introduction to The Futurtive we may get to watch, but each time the houseparent saw the image of Blind Justice during the prelude he changed the channel. He thought it had something to do with nudity. We watched the program only when he missed the prelude. We loved Bonanza, but if they ever got into a gun fight the channel was turned or the TV was shut off, & yet the news on Nam was always allowed.
I remember a new kid came & he was telling us about Rock N Roll, & new dances. He was showing us how the dances went & we were trying it ourselves when the houseparent walked in. We were all paddled, seems dancing was also against the rules. I sometimes thought it was damned if you do, damned if you don't. A system designed to insure everyone fails.
I was held an extra year in the elementary building to guide the new & younger group of boys. I didn't like that 1 bit. I had to watch as everyone else my grade moved on to the middle or Junior High building. I saw the kids my age from the home at school & in the cafeteria, but rarely anywhere else. Seems I was awarded the yearly prize of being chosen the best boy in the building. I didn't know I was competing for it, & I damn sure didn't like the prize of being held in the elementary building to set an example.
The 7th grade is to this day my hardest year of school. I struggled with every subject it seems. The teacher that tutored me the year before was wouldn’t be around to help. We were required to take Spanish, but it was all I could do to pass English. I was also again struggling with spelling, & Texas History was not as easy as it sounds. There must be a direct path from the ass to the head because the prevailing thought seemed to be if we bust their ass their grades will improve. Along that line of thinking I should have aced every class.
The head superintendent was called in concerning my grades & to say I was nervous would be putting it lightly. I had seen the results of his handiwork, & I wasn't looking forward to experiencing it first hand. He took me to the usual room & we had what I think was considered counseling, & then I was instructed to bend over. I know many had been made to endure this with nothing but underpants on, & I would see a glimpse of them later running to their room holding their pants. I didn't have to remove my pants, & I bent over to receive the prescribed remedy. He gave me maybe a dozen whacks & stopped, & told me to stand. I stood and he admonished me & warned me if he had to come back I would get the full fury of his strap.
I didn't cry & walked away knowing I was lucky. I felt he had shown me mercy & I didn't really know why. I had never seen anyone in the past 2 years receive such leniency from him. This would also be the last time I was ever physically punished at the Boy's Ranch. I did work harder & although I didn't make the honor roll I did raise all my grades to passing.
Looking back it appears everything was in black & white, from the TV to the principles we were expected to live by. When life is regimented, you have to live to satisfy someone else’s interpretation of disciplined principles, the prerequisite is failure. I am not against corporal punishment, but I am against beating & punishing someone for something as benign as missing a belt loop when dressing. When a child continues to repeat an action that could result in physical harm, a few swats may be almost necessary to avert such acts. Still I think it better if we teach our children to desire to do the right things, not to do the right things out of fear. Should there be a dumb child I feel to punish him would be no different than punishing a cripple for being crippled.
I once had a dog that would tunnel out of the yard, so I had to place him on a chain. When I would take him off his chain & let him run around the yard he ran the yard like a greyhound. A few times someone would come through the gate & he would dart out like a bolt of lightning. I at first gave chase to no avail. Anyone but me could walk up & pet him. The moment he saw me coming he took off in a wink. He knew I would chain him up & he wouldn't come home till he was hungry. Whenever he entered the yard to eat I ran & closed the gate. People are the same to some degree, & soon I would prove that when the day came that I had merely dreamed of, but felt unwise to hope for. My time at the Ranch would end soon & a new era in my life would begin.

Choices, Do you think everything is just a choice in the same manner as choosing to have bacon & eggs for breakfast, or cereal? You didn't choose to be born, or who your parents would be, or what color of skin you have. You could choose to not eat or drink, but eventually you would rescind that choice or die. You could choose to be a Dr, but not have the inherent mental aptitude to succeed. You could choose to be a long distance runner, but be incapable due to physical inability. Our choices are few & rarely black & white. We tend to make many choices in life based on emotional desires instead of intellectual reasoning.
The summer before entering the 8th grade my mother returned & I was given the choice of staying at the boys ranch or living with her & my 2 sisters. I chose to live with my mom, because it had been my wish & hope for years. The decision was probably not best with respect for my future, but for a while it filled my emotional void. I thought I was going home, but what is home? I had no real idea. There is an old Cliché: that says, You can never go home again. The general meaning is, Once you make a big change in your life, like leaving your childhood house, things will not be the same. I found there to be much truth to this old saying.
My account at the boys ranch contained just over $50.00 of which I gladly gave my mother. I would have given $millions if I had it. She accepted it as if it was something I owed. My mother never apologized for leaving & not saying goodbye, & in fact she blamed it on me at times. Soon after I was living with her I found my own resentments begin to swell. For a short while I even resented my sisters because they were always with her.
We lived at first in my home town of Gatesville, TX, & would remain there the next year & a half. I began the 8th grade thinking I would be reunited with friends at school that I had known before, but few remembered me. I made the football squad & suiting up did fill me with a since of familiarity. The one draw back was coach; he started off calling me trash instead of Truss my name. After all I had been through this didn't set well with me. Before long the whole team started calling me trash, & ragging me. The name seem to spread around the school, & in the lunch room one day it brought rounds of laughter, I became upset & went home.
My mother was always home from work by the time I was out of school. She noticed my door closed, knocked & entered. She questioned me about why I was home early, but I was hesitant to tell her. She became somewhat upset & demanded I tell her. I did, & within 30 minutes we were in the principles office & the coach was summoned. I never spoke, I simply sat & observed. My mother asked the coach what he called me & he says Truss. She says, you don't call him trash? He says, Oh yeah I have, but I just do it trying to make him grow up. She says. Your last name is Bishop correct? He says, yes. She says I hear the students call you BitchUp. He says, they better not, & she says, there just trying to make you grow up. She says, my son has a name & that better be the name you call him. He says, He just needs to grow up, & she says, I think you may need to grow up & let me tell you something. I may just the one to help you with that. You ever call him trash again & I'll be back to this school & I'll kick you ass out front for all to see. The Coach looks up at the principle & she says, don’t look over there he can't help you. She says, Let me assure you, this is one woman that can kick your ass from shit to shinola, & we will see just how big a man you feel when all the student body sees a woman whip your ass. She then gets right in his face & pokes her finger in his face, & says you don't believe this woman can kick you ass just call him trash again, because there’s not much stopping me from doing it right now, you got it you trashy bastard. The coach says, Yes Maam. Before we leave she turns & says, best not forget.
I was never prouder of my mother than I was at that moment. She made a believer out of me, & I think the coach also. A few weeks later the coach did call me aside & says, I don't think it was real manly of you to run to your mother. I said, Coach would like to have another discussion with her? He says, No, no, no, I'm sorry I should have never said a word. Another word on the matter was never spoken again.
I became the starting right cornerback. I fought hard to win the job & I know I had to prove myself more than others. I never played in a losing effort while starting at right corner. I allowed just 1 score all year, & that 1 still haunts me today.
The remainder of my time at Gatesville was not too eventful. Just the average small town America boyhood mischief. We would sneak into the drive in, habituate the local swimming hole, visit relatives, ride horses, hunt, fish, & gather at friends to beat out chest & boast.
Next stop Dallas, TX & a whole new world to discover.